So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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