Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We left the knife in your bed.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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