billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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