Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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