I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
