I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
