69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
