Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
