i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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