census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize