I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
