I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize