you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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