Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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