today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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