are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
