Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
