my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
