Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
