I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
