i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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