i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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