Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
