Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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