If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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