I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
