A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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