Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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