Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
