we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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