in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
People in love make me want to vomit
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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