Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
