You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
