I think my vagina is haunted
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
