last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
