well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
