I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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