Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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