I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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