how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
