They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
