It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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