I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize