the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
