i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
