Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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