my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
