Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
