Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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