My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
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