im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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