i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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