Pants 0. Shit 1.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
