remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
