my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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