How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
