The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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