The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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