I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Im just a social blackout drinker.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
