Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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