Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
