What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
