So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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