I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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