Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
